Cavalorn (cavalorn) wrote,
Cavalorn
cavalorn

on the comyng of the frydge

1. It did come to pass in the land of Manc that a certaine household had ane Frydge that served them wel, and the number of its daies were manie, for that it was a loyal Frydge and stalwart. And withal that this Frydge were rusted round and aboute, and namoore shone from out the midst of the Frydge anie Light, notwithstanding was it ane goodly Frydge after the fashion of Frydges.

2. And all on a day did one come unto the aforesaid Frydge and lo it chill'd not, nor humm'd, and from the heart of it there cam a Floode, so that the hinder part of the house was like vnto a lake.

3. And the household did speak one vnto another and spake of what was in their hearts, and presently they settled vpon this reckoning, that the goode olde Frydge had gone vnto a bettere dwellyng; and certes there must be an heir vnto the Frydge, that the Egges might not spoyle nor the milke run foul.

4. And since they were all agreed therevpon did thewolfen speake forth and declare that there shoulde be a new Frydge and a new Freezer also, and the forme thereof would be like vnto a Frydge within a Frydge. And the girth thereof would be Mighty and all would be clad in burnish'd Steel. And the doors thereof would be twain. And he spake vnto the people of the place of Frydges.

5. And all did await the comyng of the Frydge.

6. And since in this Time of Biding there was no Frydge, but onlie a Freezer, the folk of the Howse did availe themselves of a humble Coolyng Sacke, that had within it a Blue Thyng that was Froze, therewith to coole the milk and the cheese and all goode thynges that must be cooled. And oftentimes did Cav forget to freeze the Blue Thyng and manie a scolding was there.

7. And it came to pass upon a daye that Cav and Lucy were abiding in the Howse; and there came vnto them two men of labour. And the two men of labour hadde betwixt them a mighty Vessel of Boards; and they did say, where is the Howse vnto which this Frydge must go, for we have brought it many a league vunto thee, yea, even from the place of Frydges have we brought it vnto thee.

8. And the men of labour being brought vunto the rear of that Howse, they did wax dark in the countenance, for the doorway was too narrow to suffer the comyng of so Mighty a Frydge. And manie sore words did they speak. Yea, said they, surely a Camel shall pass through the eye of a Needle ere this bugger goeth through yonder door.

9. And they bore the Mighty Frydge back manie leagues, yea, even vnto the Place of Frydges.

10. And a second Frydge was called for. And the measurements of it were thus: that it shoulde be Mighty, but not quite so Mighty as the firste Frydge, that it mighte perchance enter in vnto the Howse.

11. And manie a day did pass. And once againe the Coolyng Sacke did serve the office of a Frydge. And once againe did Cav oftentimes forget to freeze the Blue Thyng and thus he was sore beset by scoldyngs most dire and predictable.

12. And it came to pass upon a daye that Cav and Lucy were abiding in the Howse; and there came vnto them two men of labour. And these were somewhat like vnto the first two men of labour, but they were not the same. And the two men of labour hadde betwixt them a mighty Vessel of Boards, even as it had come to pass before; and they did say, where is the Howse vnto which this Frydge must go, for we have brought it many a league vnto thee, yea, even from the place of Frydges have we brought it vnto thee.

13. And the men of labour being brought vunto the rear of that howse, they did wax dark in the countenance, for it seemed vnto them that the doorway was too narrow to suffer the comyng of so Mighty a Frydge. And manie sore words did they speak. And it seemed vnto all of them that stoode there that this was no new Frydge, but onlie the former Frydge come amongst them again.

14. And as they stoode in the yarde of the Howse all in their vexation, there came on a sudden a greate tumult and a heavy rain. And all were soggie thereat.

15. And lo, vpon this did Lucy crie unto the Firmament: sodde this. For manie dayes have I waited vpon thee, O Frydge, and thou camest not. And betweentimes my Husband did act like vnto a dozie twat and changed not the Blue Thyng, and oft have I had no Tea vnto my mornyng, nor anie pottage of oates that I might fortify me.

16. O ye men of labour, yield vnto me the number of the Frydge, that I might know it.

17. And they gave vnto her the number of the Frydge. And she spake vnto thewolfen, who was at that time labouring in his place of labour. And it became known amongst them that the new Frydge was in sooth new, and spanned not so manie cubits as the former fridge, and shoulde haply pass in vnto the kitchen, even in unto the place where the cattes were wont to dwell.

18. And the men of labour did take from that Frydge its doores; and they took from it its crowne; and they took from it its Armour all of burnish'd Steel; and so naked and without glorie did it pass in vnto the howse.

19. And it stoode where the cattes were wont to dwell, and they went round and aboute, and understood not, and sorelie did lament.

20. Then did the men of labour return unto the Frydge its doores; and they placed vpon it its crowne; and they clad it once again in its Armour all of burnish'd Steel. And lo there shone from the doores of the Frydge a great Light. And all rejoyced thereat, and the men of labour did partake of coffee ere they did depart.

21. Now it came to pass that on the eve of that day, Cav came vnto the Frydge. And he bethought him that there was some thyng amiss; for though the Frydge did humme, and though the great Light shone, and the lesser lights also, there was withal some thyng that was not as it should be. And he touched with his hand the Frydge, and lo it was warm. And summoning together the folk of the Howse, he tolde them this, and bade them putte their Handes into the Frydge, that they might know it for true; and all agreed that the Frydge was Mighty without doubt, and splendid in its steely raiment, but that withal it was not Cold, and in this it was somewhat lackyng.

22. And there was a great groaning among them. O for fuckes sake sayde they. Canne we not have ane Frydge vnto oure Howse that hath not some thyng amiss? For all is misery and vexation, yea, even unto the fourth week.

23. And yet againe was the Coolyng Sacke perforce granted the office of a Frydge. And yet againe did Cav forget to change the Blue Thyng, though not so oft as he had done before, for yea, even a bricke shall learn if it be smote oft enough.

24. And lo, as Cav sat lone even this very daye, there came vnto him yet another Man of Labour. And that Man did hearken vnto the stricken Frydge and did say: this hath no Gas within it. And he did give Gas vnto the Frydge; and lo, presently the Frydge was cold.

25. And a voice spake unto Cav, saying: go thou and speake of this vnto them that dwell in the land of LJ, that they might hear of it, and know of thy tribulation, and leave no thyng out. And even was it so.

May peace be unto thee and thy frydges alle, even vnto the Ages. Amen.
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