Cavalorn (cavalorn) wrote,
Cavalorn
cavalorn

Memories of Lady Diana

New Aeon Books, Oldham Street, March 2001.

Three minutes after closing time.

Small rotund elderly Mancunian in Jarvis Cocker spectacles: That David Icke doesn't know the half of it, you know. What the so-called Royal Family get up to. They keep it out of the papers.

Me: Does he not well that's very interesting indeed oh dear me look at the time I really must -

SREM: There's secret chambers underneath Buckingham Palace you know.

Me: Mm hmm. (desperate nod and smile, repeat)

SREM: The Queen Mother, she's the worst of the lot. Drinks the blood of children. That's why her teeth are all brown.

Me: (jingles shop keys in what he vainly hopes is a suggestive manner)

SREM: Lady Diana was an innocent. She was. She had to be a virgin. They had a ceremony before she got married. It's called the Opening of the Bride.

Me: (beams telepathic mind-signal: I WANT TO GO HOME, GET OUT OF MY SHOP)

SREM:They all gathered together. Then they deflowered her with this golden phallus all covered with jewels. In her vajeener.

Me: (gawps, wonders if this bloke really did just pronounce it that way)

SREM: (wagging finger for emphasis) Her VAJEENER.
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