If this was satire, it would be beautiful satire. But it is not.
Were you traumatized when you were a sperm?

I... I just... no.

'As incredible as it may sound, our experiences prior to conception can lead to deeply held psychological patterns that often influence the rest of our lives.'

Translation: navel-gazing workshy hippy fucks will blame ANYTHING for their perceived defects EXCEPT the fact that they are navel-gazing workshy hippy fucks.

'The trauma of a sperm, ejaculated into the hostile environment of a woman’s vagina, on a quest to find the Holy Grail and impregnate the egg can be the most challenging and bitterly painful psychological experience.'

Painful?

IT IS A CELL. IT HAS NO NERVES, YOU PRATING TWAT.

'If you survived as a sperm, and you are here to tell the tale, it’s likely that you may have endured some devastating experiences that have left their scars.'

I do have this recurring nightmare of bouncing my head off some sort of immense trampoline...

'It’s interesting how once we become conscious in a really somatic and experiential way, we can begin to change the patterns that run our lives.'

...

Fuck off. Just fuck off.

I still have time for neopaganism, because despite all the bullshit there's still some worth there in a few places, but I am really beginning to despise much of what passes for 'alternative therapy'. Rancid junk like this is at the top of the list.

(Props to stevegb for finding it)