Three minutes after closing time.
Small rotund elderly Mancunian in Jarvis Cocker spectacles: That David Icke doesn't know the half of it, you know. What the so-called Royal Family get up to. They keep it out of the papers.
Me: Does he not well that's very interesting indeed oh dear me look at the time I really must -
SREM: There's secret chambers underneath Buckingham Palace you know.
Me: Mm hmm. (desperate nod and smile, repeat)
SREM: The Queen Mother, she's the worst of the lot. Drinks the blood of children. That's why her teeth are all brown.
Me: (jingles shop keys in what he vainly hopes is a suggestive manner)
SREM: Lady Diana was an innocent. She was. She had to be a virgin. They had a ceremony before she got married. It's called the Opening of the Bride.
Me: (beams telepathic mind-signal: I WANT TO GO HOME, GET OUT OF MY SHOP)
SREM:They all gathered together. Then they deflowered her with this golden phallus all covered with jewels. In her vajeener.
Me: (gawps, wonders if this bloke really did just pronounce it that way)
SREM: (wagging finger for emphasis) Her VAJEENER.